On Speaking with a Breaking Heart

So the word of the Lord has brought me
    insult and reproach all day long.

 But if I say, “I will not mention his word
    or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
    a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
    indeed, I cannot.

Jeremiah 20:8-9

I love the prophet Jeremiah. He delivers scathing words of judgment and piercing cries for justice, but he also utters heartbreaking laments over his people. He is not called the weeping prophet for nothing.

His prayer quoted above is very dear to my heart. I have often used it in describing my call. I often feel like I am compelled to ministry and compelled to struggle for justice. But I often feel like Jeremiah during the rest of his complaint in this chapter. Jeremiah expresses how difficult it is for him to speak judgment to a city he loves so much; how difficult it is for him to be misunderstood or ridiculed by his fellow countrymen; how difficult it is for him to speak out at all.

Jeremiah is an empathetic personality for all of his harsh statements. He feels deeply about the world and cares deeply what others think and feel. Part of him just wants to settle down, mind his own business, and live a peaceful life. But he cannot. This fire burns in his bones when he sees injustice, when he watches the downfall of Jerusalem, when he sees the hollowness of so much religious practice. So he speaks.

But it comes at a great cost. He is constantly at war with himself. He never seems to develop a thick enough skin not to weep over those who did not listen, to weep over injustice, and to weep over his own failure to get his message across. The rejection of religious leaders (after all, Jeremiah is praying this prayer right after he gets out of the stocks) hurts him deeply. He wants to be understood.

It is hard to live a prophetic vocation in the world. To love deeply and still speak. As an introvert, as a person who hates conflict, I feel for Jeremiah. It has to be the hardest thing in the world to do—to speak with a breaking heart.